In this article I’m going to introduce each of these fears and share a few coaching questions to help you to tackle them whenever you notice that you are encountering a fear.
Noticing your fear
But first, let me remind you, as is the case with most topics I coach on, noticing and having awareness of your fear is key. Any fear that you may be experiencing will almost certainly be accompanied by a physical feeling, you might feel anxious, or generally ill at ease. Or perhaps you are feeling agitated, a little snappy or short with those close to you without really knowing why. Or maybe you have a knot in the pit of your stomach that you can’t seem to shake.
When you notice physical feelings like these, it’s worth taking a moment to acknowledge them. Physical feelings and negative feelings especially, whilst unpleasant, serve the useful purpose of telling us that we need to make adjustments to our thoughts, actions or behaviours.
Identify and label your fear
When we identify and name the core fear (in a given context), it immediately diminishes the intensity of the fear. Our brains have a tendency to focus on the negative which isn’t that helpful to us in our modern world and complex society. However, whilst the feelings are very real and can be very unpleasant, a fear is just a thought, a belief. There is no shame in experiencing fear. It’s a normal part of the human existence.
These fears are not true now, they are simply a projection of something we are worried about in the future. In coaching, we call these “limiting beliefs”, because they stop us from taking positive helpful action. The more we recognise these limiting beliefs, we see them for what they are and we can manage them.
Consider each of the 5 fears below.
What the fear means |
Coaching questions you can ask |
|---|---|
| Fear of Rejection (by others, usually who we mistakenly regard as “better” than us, I’m not good enough). |
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| Fear of Embarrassment (in front of others, can trigger feelings of shame, being found out). |
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| Fear of the Unknown (uncertainty, ambiguity, change, which we perceive as negative and sometimes also as a loss away from the thing we are changing). |
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| Fear of Failure (it won’t work, things will be worse as a result of doing this, it won’t work for me specifically (but it will work for others), I’ll be ridiculed for failing). |
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| Fear of Success (it will be hard, busy, stressful, overwhelming, I can’t maintain it, I’ll lose it/I don’t deserve it, I’ll be excluded if I am better than others). |
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Process your fear
If you are experiencing fear right now, consider the five fears above to identify which one resonates most. Even if there are multiple fears you might relate to, there will typically be one core fear at the very root. Once you have identified the fear, work through the coaching questions, ideally by writing down your responses which will give you the added benefit of being able to see your responses objectively. Writing also helps us to process our thoughts so I encourage you to do this.
Experiencing the feelings of fear means there is something we need to pay attention to and address in our businesses. If we disregard these feelings, they will likely amplify over time and ignoring them entirely means we deprive ourselves (and our businesses) of an opportunity to achieve a more positive outcome.
I hope you found this useful. Feel free to share this article with anyone you know who may be experiencing fear and who will benefit from this insight.
And you’re welcome to get in touch to explore how coaching can help you overcome your fears.